Bored Apes puts the ‘shit’ in shitcoin

Yuga Labs has announced its first Bored Ape-themed video game… And trying to understand it feels like digging through shit to find a key.

The game: Dookey Dash. The premise: One of Yuga Labs’ apes got so drunk at a party that it swallowed a very important key. The rest of the apes must then traverse the sewers to find it. I guess the ape who was dumb enough to drink a key also didn’t notice it coming out and decided to flush it into the sewers beneath the Yacht Club.

These apes seem lacking in a certain degree of critical thinking, but perhaps that’s to be expected.

Read more: All my Apes are racist: YouTuber wants Nazi-inspired NFTs burned

Dookey Dash has a very complicated set of rules:

• Each Ape (the Bored ones and the Mutant ones) get to claim a ‘Sewer Pass‘ (I guess the sewers have a doorman checking if your name is on the list).
• If you have an NFT from the Bored Ape Kennel Club, then you get an extra special tier of sewer pass.
• Some Sewer Passes include bonuses.
• Sewer Passes are tradable assets that non-Apes can purchase to participate in digging through shit for a key.
• Once you’ve entered the sewers, you can find fragments that will give you points once collected.
• ApeCoin allows you to purchase power-ups to improve your in-game performance. These power-ups include the so-called ‘Powershart Pack.’
• The player with the highest score after several weeks finds the key in the shit.
• If you have a sewer pass, you’ll be part of ‘The Summoning,’ which seems to be the NFT mint that this is all about.
• ApeCoin will also somehow enable you to earn more powers in mini-games.

You may be reading that and thinking, “huh?” Which is an entirely appropriate reaction to someone sharing nonsense.

In short, Yuga Labs has created an infinite running game — think Subway Surfer or Temple Run — but with Apes in the sewer. And if you have its NFTs and spend its tokens, you can increase the points you win. And, naturally, the more points you accumulate, the better positioned you’ll be for the next mint.

Now, you may be wondering why this is necessary, to which I would respond, “Apes together strong.” If your entire argument for why people should be invested in your ecosystem of assets is the community then you need to help find reasons for the community to come together.

Plus you need to find a justification for APE token that isn’t just the money you can make from staking, especially with an increasingly active Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) in the United States.

Read more: Yuga Labs hopes to make $50M with new Mecha Apes collection

This is especially important since other community initiatives have had minimum success. Indeed, eight individuals tuned into the Yuga Labs lofi livestream when I checked this morning.

Fundamentally, Yuga Labs received $450 million in VC funding led by A16z and now needs to spin its wheels in a way that looks like it’s trying to deliver value from that investment. But at the very heart of this, whatever value is ascribed to a bunch of Apes in a Discord, we’re talking about monkey pictures and an elaborate scheme which, if you spend enough APE, might just put you in pole position to part with your hard-earned currency for the next picture release.