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Can Steve Ballmer Please Replace Justin Sun as Crypto’s #1 Hype-Man?


www.ccn.com 26 July 2019 13:30, UTC
Reading time: ~2 m

By now you’ve seen Los Angeles Clippers owner team chairman Steve Ballmer get absolutely “PUMPED” at a press conference introducing Kawhi Leonard and Paul George.

Ballmer’s teary-eyed, euphoric sequel to his legendary “developers, developers, developers” speech broke the internet on Wednesday, inspiring YouTube comments like “cocaine is a helluva drug,” and headlines like Deadpin’s “Steve Ballmer Appears To Be In Heat While Introducing Kawhi Leonard And Paul George.”

So I’ll do my best to avoid piling on, other than to say he looked a bit like my three-year-old about ten minutes after the bank teller hands him a lollipop.

Steve Ballmer: A Worthy Successor to One-Man Hype Machine Justin Sun

Instead, I’d like to formally submit my own Bitcoin Improvement Proposal (BIP-$1,000,000): Let’s draft Steve Ballmer to become crypto’s new #1 hype man.

The position suddenly became vacant last night when Tron founder Justin Sun released that strange and definitely-not-written-under-compulsion apology letter, the ruptured Achilles tendon injury to Sun’s one-man TRX hype machine.

But as penny-pinching small market teams assure longsuffering fans after all devastating roster shakeups, this unexpected blow isn’t just a threat – it’s an opportunity.

And as Ballmer said when he announced his retirement from Microsoft, “There is never a perfect time for this type of transition, but now is the right time.”

Let’s Get FIRED UP About Crypto

So forget Anthony Pompliano. Forget Tom Lee. Wave goodbye to Tim Draper’s bitcoin tie. And imagine Steve Ballmer on CNBC getting “FIRED UP” about institutional adoption.

Ballmer: “C’MON GET UP! GET UP! IF YOU’RE AS PSYCHED AS I AM, GET UP! WE GOT TWO COINS WHICH I AM SO EXCITED TO HAVE.”

Producer: “Steve, we aren’t on the air yet…

Ballmer: “Have you heard of Bakkt? IT’S PRETTY COOL , IT’S PRETTY D**N COOL!“

Producer: “…This is the green room.”

Ballmer: (Starts clapping loudly)

Producer: (Quietly apologizes to the other guests in the green room)

Ballmer: “BITCOIN…. WOOOOO!”

There’s just one problem: There’s no proof that Ballmer has any interest in becoming a bitcoin bro.

But unlike Microsoft founder Bill Gates, he’s never accused cryptocurrency of “[causing] deaths in a fairly direct way.”

So there’s hope.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in the article are solely those of the author and do not represent those of, nor should they be attributed to, CCN.


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